My Happiness, My Responsibility

Hey, Curvee Sisters! I have a confession...I watch Jada Pickett's Facebook show Red Table Talk like it's primetime tv lol. I've been glued in faithfully since the season premiere last year. One of my favorite episodes is the first episode of Season 2 with Jada's husband Will Smith. In the episode, they talked about the highs and lows of the marriage, raising their children, personal life growing pains and balancing it all while staying sane in Hollywood. One of the stand out moments of the episode occurred when Will recounted a moment when he told Jada that he quit. He quit trying to make her happy. He realized that her happiness wasn't his responsibility and vice versa. They both are responsible for their own happiness, once they become happy as individuals, then they can meet in the middle to ensure the relationship works happily and peacefully. Whew, chillay.

I'm not going to lie to you and say that I agreed with him when he first made that statement. I tried to counter it with every excuse that you're probably making up in your mind right now to negate what he said. But sis, the truth hurts. Will is absolutely right. I had to learn this when I decided to walk away from my last relationship. I just wasn't happy. He didn't cheat. He brought me whatever I wanted. He drove (this is major because I despise driving lol). He brought the wedding ring. He proposed. And still...I wasn't happy.

Everything I thought was the "problem" in the relationship, he tried to fix but I still wasn't happy. Tbh, I'm not sure if I know what it really was that didn't fulfill my needs/wants in the relationship. But what I can tell you is that I made the decision to take responsibility for my happiness by walking away. It's not his responsibility to "fix it" or to keep trying to make me happy. That responsibility is mine and mine alone.

So what's next? First, acknowledging that I have the power to fulfill my needs and wants on my own. Learning what makes my soul happy. I know what makes me happy materialistically, but what makes Ashley the being happy. Next, creating my list of qualities that I want in a partner. And lastly, just taking my time. There's no rush for another relationship, situationship, or anything in between so I'm taking the time to rediscover myself and my happiness! When I meet my next partner, I want to be the best version of myself for him, our love, and most importantly myself.

xo,

Ashley